My first thought.....

Life is very interesting....and getting to know yourself is strange. Yes, isn't that a broad statement. This last semester at OU was very interesting to say the least. I got very caught up in my part time job, getting good grades, and I ended up making myself miserable. I spent a lot of time in my room, feeling exhausted, not studying enough, and just sort of depressed. I ended up not making great grades, found out that I didn't need to be paying for all the stuff I thought I needed to be, and didn't make any more friends. Needless to say, I was VERY, VERY excited for finals and for the semester to end. Then, I found out I would be working for Falls Creek.

I get to Falls Creek and find out it was exactly what I needed. This last academic year has definitely had its good and bad, but i think the bad parts were really hard. I was depressed for some of it, I worked a lot and had a hard time making friends, but worse of all (and I just recently realized this) I lost my communication with my LORD. I wouldn't say that I lost my relationship with God, because I still went to church and I certainly don't believe one can loose thier salvation; but i just sort of chilled on a spiritual plateau for most of the academic year. I think I learned some things intellectually, but I don't feel like I've really grown as a person or as a Christian.

So this summer, I've been finding the personal God I was missing. The odd thing about the whole thing is that I can't say I've been rebelling openly against my Christian faith or had major issues with my God. I guess I just daily unconsciously slid further and further away, kinda like an old friend in a different town that you just slowly quit talking to. I read some books over the last couple of years that really made me start thinking more about how I view God and what my understanding of being a Christian means. These books made Christianity seem more alive and free. I felt like my Christian life could be more than just following rules, doing good, and feeling guilty during church services. But as a result I think I ended up being a little bitter toward my childhood denomination due to this new kind of freedom I felt like I have and was not allowed in my old church (however I do realize that this was more self-imposed). I explored this freedom in intellectual ways during my first year at OU. I tried to not just look at issues and people from a quote unquote Christian way, but from an intellectual and inquisitive sort of way. I will say that I did grow in my knowledge of understand of people not from America, but I however didn't seem to grow personally.

I have to admit I was kind of hesitant about working at this Christian camp, fearing I would be too unique and free thinking. Thankfully I was pretty mistaken in that area. Just within the ropes course staff I work in there are large degrees of individuality in mannerisms, conversations, styles of leading, ways of worshiping, and ways of expression. I think while I have known this for a long time, God really looks at the heart and your intentions. I have had God with me all the time, yet I was not intentionally thinking and living for him. I can't say that I was acting like a bad person (as however you might define that), but I wasn't becoming a better Christian. So that has been my lesson this first month of camp.....can't wait to see what this month will bring!

-Kristy