Kristy Goes to the Movies

During the hectic months of last semester, I had written many bits of a blog but not a complete thought. Here's a little something that might get my back into the swing of writing again.

I like to think I'm creative. One major hurdle to my creativeness is my sporadic and maybe a little ADD nature. Over the years I've painted a little, played tons of music, wrote a song or two, even wrote a poem, refashioned and designed various clothing pieces, and started a movie script. If I was ever able to focus on just one of these outlets, I think it could result in something fairly presentable instead of the amateur appearance and/or incomplete messes that usually result.

Probably my favorite outlet is my screenplay. Now, I've watched my fair share of movies over the years (which is still probably an understatement). Movies were my escape and entertainment in the small town in which I spent my childhood. I've become fairly critical of movies in general due to my mass viewings. My general rule is if I've seen a movie and can't remember any of it, it would not be worth watching again. My theorem concerning movies is how the good ones stay with you: their themes, dialogue, or even just images. Some of my examples are the theme of Casablanca, the line "I need you, I want you, oh baby, oh baby" from 10 things I hate about you, the theme and dance moves from Save the Last Dance, the ideals of Lawrence of Arabia, the sacrifice in Madame X, I could go on and on.

Movies are my thing which is why I enjoy trying to write one. My movie is all in my head with plots, characters, costuming, and some dialogue. Sadly, I am about 99% sure it will not come into fruition. The cinematography would not be main stream and it has a kinda of indie theme.

So the point of why I'm writing this is I was excited to see a movie that seemed to have the same theme portrayed which I would have in my movie. After watching SO many random romantic comedies with all my different girl friends, I was craving a movie with real consequences in romantic relationships. I don't know when after ending a relationship with a guy, I would simply accept a guitar as a means to apology and simply forget the past (1o things I hate about you). Nor would a guy quitting his job and informing he didn't not sleep with a girl make me swoon (Two Weeks Notice).

Despite being about 40 minutes late as a result of showing up at the wrong theater, I thoroughly enjoyed "He's Just Not That Into You". I was not expecting much going into the movie. It looked like a star-crammed, mushy, romantic comedy for couples and groups of girls to flock toward over Valentine's Day weekend. I was mainly going to be with a friend from out of town. The movie was pretty realistic (beside the PS2 controllers for the XBox 360 console), funny, and meaningful. I loved how this movie's answer to a full life was not that a girl has to end up with a guy. In one of the several story lines, the opposite is shown with two girls leaving guys for their own adventure. I think any romantic comedy addict should watch this, if nothing else for the therapeutic benefits. Think that's it for today. Yea for mainstream media showing positives of both marriage and singleness!

-Kristy

Forgiveness

I wear my heart on my sleeve. My mother use to tell me that I'm like my father in that we both are a little oversensitive. I used to wonder if this was a blessing, curse, or fault I should work on eliminating. Over time I have decided to view this as a blessing with which I need to be mindful.

Recently, In took a rather detailed personality test. They are a very interesting form of entertainment for me. The latest one is full of analysis as it talks about this personality trait in settings of various relationships. The type I got said a strength of mine is "They feel love and affection for those close to them which is almost childlike in its purity". I think this is pretty true about myself and why I consider my exposed heart a blessing.

Unfortunately, I am often hurt by situations and actions that other people would probably not be as upset about. I've learned to try to really evaluate my perceived wrong for awhile before acting upon it and seeming trivial about the situation.

I recently had one of these situations arise. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and throw pity parties for a couple of days. I escaped to Shawnee (I'm sure the people in Shawnee will laugh at that thought) this morning to get away from my haunting feelings of hurt which seemed to vanish slowly with my drive there. The lesson in Sunday School focused on forgiveness for a bit. I realized then that while I think the person may feel somewhat guilty, it is only me that is holding myself back. Once I decided during Sunday School that I would forgive this person, no longer did I feel those haunting feelings of hurt. I also sent a message to the person telling them I forgive them.

During the last two weeks, God has shown me that as I forgive others I am also ridding myself of bitterness. Another lesson occurred during a college service Tuesday night. I am usually rather cynical about this service, but once I decided to focus on God and not what little things I dislike, I was able to listen to God instead of my own negative thoughts.

I've been working on being a better me. I don't think I'll ever get to my ideal, but I can dying trying. I think its pretty easy to God to show us what to work on if we would only ask. The 3 things I've been working on faith, being complete, and patience. Good ones to work on I think.

-Kristy

Giving without recieving

So, short and simple blog tonight. In the Bible Jesus mentions to act without expecting anything back (Luke 6:35). Simple thought. How often do we truly do something with no thoughts of receiving some type of retribution. I was thinking about this the other day. I'm the worse about this principle when it comes to my family. The other night I helping my sometimes ungrateful brother by painting his baseboard and surrounding trim. He just sat there for two hours watching me paint during which I became agitated by his lack of work. I was assuming since he asked me to paint he would be doing something else at the same time to speed the whole process. Due to my frustration, I didn't help him again for about a week. One day I went by and started helping him scrape this old adhesive off of the floor so he could put new flooring down. Scraping away at his floor with just my thoughts as company proved rather therapeutic. I was think how my brother probably wont thank me for what I was doing and has never helped me pack or move to Norman, but that's okay because I was helping him and showing him my love. Just as this thought was crossing my mind, my brother walked in the room with a portable fan which he plugged in and pointed straight at me. It was a pleasant surprise to realize my brother must be maturating some and how it feels so much better to be rewarded when not expecting it instead of feeling it was owed to you.

-Kristy

Exploring gender roles.

Disclaimer: Just in case you might have wondered....I am in no way reconsidering my sexual orientation. Thought I'd throw that out there (after a title like that, I didn't want you to wonder).



Throughout the summer, a joke within the staff developed in which I was deemed a feminist. This label was attached after an incident occurred on the ropes course during which I made a boy probably about fifteen years old cry after I corrected him. The guys on the ropes staff found this fact very amusing. I was then deemed a feminist and when situations would arise, I was teased about it. Sometimes after they would call me a feminist, I was taken back on how I may be more of a feminist than I ever realized.

One day a guy commented that it was girls like me that killed chivalry. I guess I would frustrate some of the guys by lifting heavier objects or starting a task while guys were just sitting around and could have done the task for me. I never thought of asking them; besides the job had to be accomplished anyway. The guys would often ask to help after I was already in the middle of completing the task when it would really just take more effort for me to stop, so for sake of simplicity I would just finish what I was doing.

For the first 11 years of my life, my younger brother by 2 years and I were the only children of my parents. Since I was the oldest, I seemed to be asked to do just as many chores as my brother Austin. In fact in some instances, like killing spiders, I had to man up and kill the things since I was the oldest. If Austin hadn't been scared of spiders, I probably would still be scared of them, but since we both were scared I conquered my fear and would kill them for the both of us. A common task in childhood was my mother often having Austin and I run into the grocery store with a check she had signed to pick up a couple of items. Once we would reach the checkout area, Austin was always too embarrassed to write out the amount on the check so this task always fell to me. Austin was always willing to have me do any tasks he did not want. I learned one day Austin not only passed off little jobs to me, he actually would find me after mom gave him a job and would tell me that mom told him to tell me to do the task he just was given.

I guess I just grew up never expecting a guy to ask to do a task for me. I generally see no reason why I could not do the task I was asked to do. I'm not amazingly strong for a girl, but I can hold my own in many instances. I probably count too much on this fact, which has lead me twice into fist fights: one in 3rd grade against my brother's friend and another this last Christmas when my brother Austin called me a b*@#@.

I remember being in middle school and realizing the academic subjects I liked were usually considered the "guy" subjects. This revelation happened during a middle school academic meet where I was completing in math. I was in the assigned room taking my math test (for fun I may need to remind you). I looked up because I was having to think about the problem and then I realized there were only 3 other girls in the room with about 35 guys. Math and Science were always my thing, unlike my best friends that really liked Reading and English.

I played sports growing up. My favorite was soccer, but our school system did not have soccer which left me playing soccer in our town's recreational league. Now, part of the reason I may have enjoyed soccer so much was the fact it was co-ed. I loved being really aggressive and stealing the ball away; I frustrated many boys this way which resulted in me being called wonderful names--in fact I was even called a boy by the opposing coach once. It was so funny how I could use being a girl to catch guys off guard toward the beginning of the games. As I got older, fewer girls continued to play; by the time I was in high school, I was the only girl still playing. My team thought it would be fun to play in a legitimate tournament, so we signed up for the event. We signed up for the guy's bracket since they did not have a co-ed league and as stated before I was the only girl anyway. I will never forget our game winding down and the next team showing up. It was a guy's team and could hear them on the side lines commenting on a girl being on our team. I stole the ball from a guy and the guy's team on the sideline started screaming for me. They were yelling, "you go girl" and random stuff. I thought it was so funny.

I was a bit of a tomboy growing up. I'll be the first to admit that. I just feel like society has placed me in such an awkward position. I found it throughly interesting that the guys this summer didn't want me carry things on my own, yet they seem to have no problem with me wanting to be a doctor which is a very male dominated field. These guys never felt they need to restrain any perverted comments about girls or themselves while I was around, yet when I decided to say something awkward as retribution the guys would protest.

When I was a child, I remember telling my mother I was going to marry a man that would cook and clean while I would watch Monday Night Football. I am certainly not the biggest girlie girl, but I do enjoy my romantic comedies and getting all dressed up for no reason. It seems that as long as I don't push my strength too hard, I can get by. Its when I do something (which apparently can be lots of things) that makes a guy no longer feel manly that I apparently am a feminist. I think my solution to the whole situation will be as follows: I am only going to hang out with real manly men that will be okay with me trying whatever as long as they are there to get me out of a jam, kinda like the girl with the Ninja Turtles.

-Kristy

Abstract becomes reality

I've already written about death a couple of times now. Generally when I hear/think of the concept of death, I try to convince myself I have a good grasp on the natural cycle of life and do not have have any form of the various death anxieties discussed in my philosophy class. On my drive to Falls Creek, I got a phone call from a girl from I live with at camp informing me of a death of a fellow staff member. I think I have a rather stoic response to death. I still keep thinking of this boy that is no longer with us. I keep remembering his wonderful smile and the white beanie his wore. I can't say I knew him too well. I was excited he was transferring to OU and he was amazing in jungle pong. He will greatly be missed. Don't have much else to say. I'll be thinking and praying for his family in the next days, weeks, and years to come. May we all be mindful of how precious and limited our lives are.

-Kristy

comparisons

So, I've had a lot of different topics to be writing my blog about, but it just hasn't been too inspiring once I started writing--although for the few of you that even read this I of course have no idea if my blogs ever are inspiring or interesting. A big issue I had to deal with once I arrived at Falls Creek was comparing last summer to the current summer. I have realized that maybe the best course of action is never trying to recreate an experience that was just so amazing the first time around. Comparison is such a demon. I am having to actively tell myself that even though this is the same place I was last year and I am doing basically the same task this is a completely new and different summer. I always thought that one of the saddest movie characters is the uncle in Napoleon Dynamite. He is probably in his 40's and just constantly retelling his football glory story. I hate to admit it but I can somewhat understand this pathetic behavior once I arrived at falls creek. I was being constantly reminded of last summer and making me sentimental in some ways.

I feel a little scandalous writing this at falls creek....but as crazy as this parallel may be I can very clearly understand one really good reason for staying a virgin until you get married. In my rather limited ventures of holding hands and kissing, I have kissed enough boys to where I can compare various aspects of it. Like simply one boy was shorter than me while the other was taller. I don't want to freak my mother and other family members that read this too much more. I'll move on.

There's the saying that assuming makes an a** out of you and me (watch out this post is getting explicit...) but I think comparing causes much more damaging and fool-creating results. I guess comparisons are needed for some ways like teaching devices but I'm not sure of their benefit in general use. In the book Sex. God. (one of the few books I got to read this last summer) it talks about the problem of comparison when judging a girl or guy on appearances. I loved the way the author addressed this by saying that the problem is when the "she" becomes an "it". When the girl with a past, personality, and humanity is stripped down to skin and bone, only being viewed like a piece of meat and looking at what was mainly genetically predetermined before she was born (sorry this is a bit of a tangent).

I've been trying to work on limiting my comparisons of people and events. I'm starting to see much more depth to staff members from last year that I had already compared to other people and formed my opinion of them. Individuality was something that I always valued for myself, but I'm starting to realize that I don't seem to allow other this same value. Comparisons might be needed for illustration purposes and essential to sociology, but I'm not convinced they are good for life. Just my random thoughts for the day!

-Kristy

Childhood

So finals are over and one of my most hectic semesters is completed (assuming I passed the two classes which don't have grades posted yet!! ah!). I've been back at home and having all kinds of flashbacks to my childhood and even random events from high school. I got to watch my youngest brothers participate in the Little Olympics and it brought me back to all sorts of memories in track, from competing in long jump in grade school to almost qualifying for state my freshmen year in long jump. Church always makes me reminisce of my varying enthusiasm throughout childhood and my bitterness and disillusioned feelings currently. Just being in my bedroom brings memories of moving around my furniture at 10pm deciding I needed a change. These memories also have brought mixtures of frustration, regret, happiness, ironic laughter, and many more. The thing about the past is just that, its over. While I have some anxiety of the coming summer plans and fall courses, I'm trying to remember its the little things like bike rides around the block with Mitch or playing DDR with Justin or watching Austin treat his dog like royalty which are usually the most memorable moments of any life.

-Kristy