Complete

So, I've been thinking a lot lately of my status of being single. Some of this was a result of people recently bringing this aspect of my life out into the open and discussing it. I have to admit at first it was sort of fun and flattering to have people saying "Kristy, you should meet ----" or "Kristy, you would get along so well with---" and other variations of the same sentiments. It was also interesting what I would say or do before these comments would be said. After awhile, I must say, it started bothering me. I was very confused for about a week as to why. I did have a lot of things on my mind (or maybe instead of things, it was more like an ongoing and complex thought that seemed just beyond my analytical thought process).

One day I realized that these comments were starting to bother me due to this resulting feeling of incompleteness. I guess it made me feel like people didn't think I was whole by myself; like I literally did need a better half as people often call their spouses. I don't know if that makes sense. But after being told I needed to meet this guy or start dating this guy, I felt like people were thinking I lacked something. This really conflicts my independent single woman front I try to display from time to time (with which I try to hide my hopeless romantic soul).

Recently, I have been telling my mother I will probably get married when I'm 30. This makes her pretty sad and perplexes her a bit as well (especially due to her dating life consisting of dating my father since 7th grade). I never think my mother does have any right to try to give me dating advise. I have more dating experience that she does (well at least I’ve dated more guys). But back to the 30 year old goal...I have two point for my rational of this approach.

1) So hopefully I won't be too focused on dating boys and lose my perspective.

2) if I get married later in life, it won't bother me (it's what I planned all along......lol) and if something happens earlier then great, it will be exciting.

One of my favorite nights this summer happened in the stafferteria after the tabernacle service. Somehow there were about 10 girls surrounding my boss asking him about dating, marriage, and all of that junk. Throughout the conversation he would constantly be challenging these girls' assumptions of all of them getting married and where God does want all of them to be married. I thought it was fun watching these girls looking like my boss just ripped their hearts out by saying such things. (I have a sneaking suspicion he also enjoyed this scene).

Once our curfew approached, we all then sat on a couple of beds still discussing this subject. I thought they all were going to cry themselves to sleep. I was pretty engrossed in the conversation as well. (I guess I am trying to sound all tough, but I am a pretty hard hopeless romantic at heart. I think my only difference is that I had thought about all of this before). As I was talking I putting something into words which I had felt for a long time but never really could express. I said something like "I think you have to reach a point in your life where you are complete in God before you can reach the starting point of the process of creating a health marriage".

I don't know if that is mind blowing to you, but as I said it I felt better about myself. As I said earlier, I was feeling just somewhat overwhelmed by the regular inferences to my single state and in my mind the fact that I have not had a boy friend for two years kept jabbing at my brain like a thin razor. After saying my quoted statement above, my mind started flashing through my struggles and issues I dealt with over the last two years. I feel like God has been shaping me and molding me a lot by showing me lots of my faults, (of course more than I would like to have known...) my passions, and my need for Him. So I don't feel bad about having been single for awhile now. And I really don't mind that I'm not married at this moment (just the thought of my recent ability to purchase alcohol cracks me up and makes me feel grown up, I can't imagine being married!!!). I think it all has been in His plan after all. Maybe one day I’ll get married, maybe I never will...but I guess the important thing is to be complete in God either way. And if my theory and all of those romantic comedies are true, now will be the time for me to find my man...when i'm not expecting it.

-Kristy

P.S. sorry its so long…I’ve been writing this one in my head for a while.