A moral dilemma of a smaller kind

So, I don't mean to be writing this to give myself a pat on the back or anything, but I faced a moral dilemma of sorts yesterday. As I mentioned in my last post, I'm living in the grey areas of life and am still grasping as to what concepts or events are absolute with concerns of morality for everyone and what issues are best left to the individual to choose. There are many issues I've been thinking about in this context and have not constructed many decisive arguments to push the issues one way or another for myself. One such issue I've dealt with for a long time is alcohol.

For some reason when I was younger, I decided I absolutely wanted to wait to have my first taste of alcohol on my 21st birthday and it would be a strawberry daiquiri. I certainly did have friends that drank in high school and I went to my fair share of lame parties when alcohol was present, but I had made up my mind and was not going back on it. And in truth, I wasn't even sure if I really did want to drink.

I never understood the reason for a need to drink. For one thing, it was not legal to be drinking at our age and I didn't have any desire to loose my inhibition. My serious bf of my high school years was a regular drinker. While we dated, I asked that he not drink and to my knowledge he only did once and he asked about it beforehand. I always tried to get him to explain to me why he drank or why people in general drank. My bf said he drank to have fun and that's why most people did. He also said others might drink because they needed an escape. I remember thinking those were lame excuses for just not being able to be self-controlled or ignoring issues or emotions.

At NWOSU I certainly saw my share of drunk people, sadly watched their inebriated actions, then would pile them into my car and drive them safely back to the dorms. Once again, I was determined to wait until I was 21 and after seeing what some of my peers did while drinking I was very unsure if I would even have my strawberry daiquiri. So my 21st birthday was this summer (by the way, this blog probably isn't going where you think it is...) and I didn't get my strawberry daiquiri. This summer I was working at a Christian camp and I knew they would not appreciate any alcohol consumption, so I knew I wouldn't be drinking not just because of my job but I still didn't know if I wanted to.

Since my birthday, I have gone to some of my old high school friend's 21st b-day parties and have had a couple of drinks and then every once in awhile have a drink with my friends on the weekend. I think I have probably drank a whopping 6 times in my life now. I'm a very big control freak, so I certainly have never drank enough to lose my inhibitions or act in a way I couldn't be proud of. So I still can't say I know what all of the excitement for drinking is about and am not sure that I will be drinking much longer. But this I know, I am not ashamed of my drinking or anything I have done while drinking.

This is where my smaller moral dilemma came into play. As I was filling out an application for the same summer camp I worked at last year, I came across a yes or no question asking if I have "consumed alcohol in the last 12 months". My answer is undeniably yes, BUT i am almost 100% sure that alcohol is viewed from the hiring department's perspective as a negative thing, so I contemplated answering no. I don't think I could describe how much this summer had to have been what God planned for me. It was exactly what I needed and continues to have an impact; so when I was thinking how I may not be able to work there due to my drinking, I panicked and definitely wanted to lie. I was thinking about all of this and asked my friend that just walked in the door at the time what she thought.

When I woke up while I was still laying in my bed, the answer came to me. At this point in my life, I think it is fine if a person of legal age decides to drink alcohol socially (by socially meaning with friends and not to excess) and does NOT try to drive. And if I use Jesus as my example, he certainly has turned water into wine but he didn't condone lying. There's that whole "let your yes be yes and your no be no" verse which can not be denied (Matthew 5:37). So while this may cost me a job and summer I would like to experience, I've decided without a doubt to answer yes on this. Like I said, this isn't a huge decision on my part, but something that made me stop and think. I fully expect if I get an interview I will be asked about this and I have no fear of answering for my actions. In fact despite all I've mentioned about my social drinking, I have technically consumed alcohol during communion at church in the last year, so just that alone would contribute to answering yes.

I don't know if anyone reading this will be too amazed by anything I wrote today, but it was just something I thought I would get off my head and see if anyone had a comment. I am going to challenge anyone that reads this along with myself with this statement. May we all find areas where we could be acting in a hypocritical manner and take steps to correct it, whether it be big or small.

-Kristy

a little STYX's philosopohy

As I was driving my 189 mile distance from my childhood home to my dorm room, I was growing bored and then sleepy so I carefully pulled a random cd out of my case. I placed the cd into my player to discover it was my copy of my father's Styx greatest hits cd. I grew up listening to this cd along with madonna, montley cru, zz top, and a little patsy cline to change things up. I was loudly proving to my car I still knew every word, but then I hit a slower song and I stopped. I started thinking about what they actually singing about. (Most of the rock I listen has a very blunt and shallow message, but I like the instrumentation and style so I've never cared too much.)
Anyway... I was realizing how deep some of the lyrics were and thought provoking. I was especially mesmerized by the lyrics of "Show me the way". I've always thought this song was pretty and liked the lyrics, but this time while listening, I truly felt the emotions of the song. Here's the first verse and chorus.

" Every night I say a prayer in the hope that theres a heaven
And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that Ive lost my faith

Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Show me the way"

I think this song in many ways is about growing up, facing facts, and transitioning from the black and white issues of childhood and diving into the grey and unknown parts of life and the human condition. The common thought is of college being the transitional period in life, but I wonder of the truth in that. Sure we are gaining new roles of social and personal obligations, but after college are we really done changing? I should think not. During my 5 semesters thus far, I have certainly faced challenges and issues that have matured me. I have also been vexing and contemplating over defining my personal values and morals during this time.

At the end of the day, wouldn't it be easier as the song asks for to just be "shown the way" and have "illusions washed away". It would save many an emotional day and lessen confusion, but isn't that the greatness of life--making mistakes, learning, living, and going on. I once read a book about dating that my mother insisted I read after I had completed reading the whole "I dated kissed dating goodbye" fadish book, and while I don't remember much of the book or even the title, one point I apply universally has stayed with me and I have found to be a rather good life lesson. The synopsis is even though that situation or long event hurt emotionally doesn't mean it was bad. It was saying that the result of sadness, doesn't prove the forerunning event was necessarily bad. Obviously, this should not be applied to all situations, but it makes me think about sadness and hurting in a different light.
Maybe I am a little strange by having a STYX song start a philosophical adventure, but I think it was a good reminder. I have been getting frustrated with all of the unknowns surrounding my life, feeling like once I have things lined out life will be good. May we all remember to not fall into the temptation of sitting back and waiting for things to be perfect; we will end up missing out on life and the beautiful chaos loosing knitting our lives together.

-Kristy

Pride & Prejudice

I watched 5 hours of this BBC production of Pride and Prejudice yesterday afternoon. I've heard this book being suggested to many men as a glimpse into a woman's soul. I have to admit that since the latest movie with Keira Knightley I have not hear any girl confessing a dislike for this movie. While I prefer the book, I do love the screenplays that have been based on this novel in many ways.

I have figured out what I really like about this book and maybe why it is so popular with girls. Mr Darcy (the main character) falls in love with Lizzy due to her wit and intelligence. I think deep down all girls do want to be loved but they especially desire the love that is not shallowly attracted by the bodies or some other circumstances (more aptly called lust). We want to be loved because we are special. I want to be noticed not because of my physical appearance, but my intellectual depth. I want someone to talk to, not a guy to stare at me. I guess I want a lot of things and maybe some of them aren't realistic. I once made a list of the characteristics of what I wanted in my future husband and its kind of funny to see what I thought I wanted at the time. Maybe I will find my Mr. Darcy one day, but until then I'm trying to keep telling myself that people really aren't that perfect. Its only a movie. It will be the little faults or quirks of the man that will make him adorable; just like I hope my midnight furniture arranging will be thought of as cute.

-Kristy